He Xiangu versus Goatman in the Octagon

He Xiangu’s laugh returned attention to the center arena as a swirling, dark vortex manifested the Goatman in front of her. “Shit just goat serious.” Her eyes bulged with pure evil.

[Warriors…]

DALE’s voice rang out in the style of the Veteran Voice of the Octagon.

[It’s time!]

[In the gold corner, representing the Underworld, coming in at 412 pounds, the large horned Goatman full of bitterness from a recent loss to a mere human cultivator.]

[In the black corner, representing the Divine Realm, the lass with the most crass.]

An unusual pause mid-announcement, followed by DALE clearing his AI throat. It sounded like someone had interrupted him with an incoming message.

[One of my favorites, other than Hunter of course. Presenting knock-you-to-the-other-side-of-the-Interrealm-with-a-puff-of-her-smoke, He Xiangu, weighing 156 pounds.]

[Face your opponent and commence Round 1 on the sound of the gong.]

A reverberation of an unseen gong vibrated the audience’s seats, sending them into a frenzy.

Goatman was clearly disoriented and looking as sick as the Sluagh-bitten souls he’d been responsible for. No entity in any of the realms was immune to the mind-bending effects of time and space distortion—well, unless you were an expert-level Light- and Dark-plasma wielder, and when was the last time one of those existed?

Eventually his hateful yellow eyes stopped rolling around in their sockets and his gaze locked onto He Xiangu. “He Xiangu, you wretched immortal.” His eyes drifted around the arena, lips pared back into a toothy grimace. A mixture of frantic roars and deathly hisses erupted from the stalls, drawing his attention.

The crowd was awash in a sea of colors, the garments they wore glowing with colored aspects of their chi or mana affinities.

He Xiangu spat her cigarette and crushed it under her platform sandals, her hot-pink, nail-polished toes perking up in response. Having shed her usual moo-moo-style nightgown, her midnight-colored armored dress looked hefty in contrast. “Hey goat turd, are you here to gloat or fight?” He Xiangu’s lips curled up in a sneer and she rolled her shoulders, twisting at the waist to limber up, her dress blooming around her like deadly nightshade.

Goatman turned back to He Xiangu a little too late.

Yelling like a banshee, He Xiangu devoured the distance between them, her platforms cratering the ground, creating deep cracks snaking out in all directions. Launching into the air, she smashed through him with a simple open-palm strike. Goatman flew back into an ice wall and slumped to the ground with sharp, pointy icicles underneath to “gently” break his fall.

He Xiangu held up her arms in triumph before sinking into a fighter’s stance, eyes fixed on Goatman as he groaned, picking himself off the ground. Back on his hooves, he glared at her. She pounded her fists together, as though psyching herself up. Her chi-empowered voice boomed across the arena, sending out shockwaves in its wake. “All right, old horned bastard, your little hell-bent holiday of destruction on the Material Realm has come to an end.”

He Xiangu landed a skin-rippling punch to Goatman’s midsection.

“Hammer Hoof!” Goatman howled as he charged He Xiangu.

The demons in the audience roared with delight at their higher-ranked demon’s initiative.

Goatman’s right arm flamed with mana, turning a deep yellow color, rising up to form a construct in the shape of an ax. He Xiangu’s eyes went wide and the crowd gasped as his aura flared brighter, his laughter mocking the Divine Realm.

[To your corners, battle gods. Maybe your next round will last longer for the sake of our entertainment.]

[Round 2]

[Commence!]

Goatman kept pressing He Xiangu, looking for an opening. His ax-hammer mana construct thundered out from his hoof, a raging force that slammed the immortal cultivator, jerking her violently back across the frozen tundra and into the merciless boundary wall.

Hauling herself up using a freshly flaming spear construct, He Xiangu laughed savagely. “Bring it on, hell spawn.”

Goatman’s yellow, beady eyes burned with hate. The savage’s mouth peeled back, revealing blunt, gnashing teeth. His muscled, sinewy thighs and thrashing hooves sought destruction and He Xiangu’s total annihilation. Raging from the insult of her last assault on him, Goatman thrust off the ground, kicking up blizzard snowstorms with each pounding step he took.

He Xiangu—still on her feet, still unsteady—met his attack, launching a sliding thrust, right hand glowing with chi to counter Goatman’s mana-powered right hoof. She drove her palm into his half-scalped chest. The strike blew Goatman backward, and he crashed into a jagged icicle, bowled over, and for a nail-biting moment he went completely still.

She smoothly swung it around, bringing it to her shoulder, and fired. An energy bolt tore through the tip and struck an invisible mana shield.

Goatman grinned menacingly. The shield exploded, the force throwing He Xiangu down. She blurred back to her feet as Goatman sank into a guard stance, only to mock her with a whine. “What are you waiting for? I’ve been a naughty kid, why don’t you punish me.”

He Xiangu’s eyes lit with vengeance. “Oh, I’ll punish you alright,” she hissed as she bladed forward, weight on her lead leg, back leg extended. Chi flared from her clenched fists, flaming with fury.

Lights flashed. Thunder cracked. Chi clashed with mana.

A snarling chi dragon spear, a mana devourer. Undeterred, Goatman spun to deflect the attack using his hefty ax hammer, its shield lost to a temporary mana cooldown. Staring each other down, their chi and mana roared forth, each struggling to overwhelm the other.

Chi and mana collided again and again with starburst colors. Solid and gas states transformed into Light Plasma crackling like electricity, the backlash sweeping out across the arena.

Neither relented, neither backed down until a spear of light bled everything white. The two warriors staggered back, each mirroring the other’s footsteps. One step, two steps. Then, a backward stumble until both warriors collapsed in a heap.

Heads hung low in bitter disappointment as the two warriors backed away to their recovery booths. The restoration elixirs they had refused in the first round were gulped down at the end of the second. In the corner of the arena, Goatman downed a Divine-regulated recovery elixir bottle.

Goatman ogled his vial and licked the last drop with his vial-blackened tongue.

[Tie. What an unfortunate outcome as the battle gods grit their bloody teeth. To your corners!]

[Round 3]

[Commence!]

Before she could blink, a gust of fiery wind flared out from behind Goatman as he dropped to all fours. The blast sent He Xiangu tumbling backward, unable to form her chi shield in time. Goatman roared and sent another blow toward He Xiangu, knocking her flat to the ground.

As if receiving divine inspiration, He Xiangu's clenched fists glowed white hot as she rose to her feet. A shockwave of pure chi erupted from her internal flame and lashed about her, gathering power from above and below before raging toward Goatman, gathering speed as it went. Unable to resist the powerful blast, Goatman fell back, his ass grating across the rugged terrain, leaving skid marks and tufts of hair in his wake.

Their cushy backsides and complained, their darling auras a rainbow of haughty emotions.

[Tie squared off with one to one. Oh my Divine gods and foul-mouthed demons, we have one more round. Final bets recommended for…]

DALE paused, leaving a dramatic tension hanging in the arena’s atmosphere.

[Sudden Death!]

Gasps resounded.

Her chi surged like the tides responding to the moon’s irresistible gravitational pull.

Bracing himself for impact, Goatman's Fire and Wind mana were primed and ready to counterattack, sending a sharp, sudden wind howling toward He Xiangu, whipping her hair into a deathly halo.

Rising on shaking knees, He Xiangu resembled a vengeful spirit, her heaving chest and shattered arm bound by her side. She was on her last leg—literally; her lead leg was so twisted and scorched, it was a miracle she remained standing at all. She was one tenacious half demon. Her father, a Demon Emperor, would be proud.

Sinking down, He Xiangu beckoned Goatman with her eyes.

But it was a ruse; He Xiangu wasn’t waiting for Goatman to bring the fight to her. She had been holding back while taking punishing blows in the second round, just like Ali with his rope-a-dope ruse.

“Thunder Struck!” He Xiangu’s battle cry echoed in the arena.

Chi blasted into Goatman like a meteor hammer from the heavens, or a spectral spear falling from the Divine Realm. A column of concentrated light smashed into him, pounding him flat, smearing him across the battleground like jam on bread.

Shockwaves rolled outward from the impact crater, shattering everything unfortunate enough to cross its path.

As the chi bomb diffused, it left a distinctive crackling sound as it bled from her fingers and toes.

A look of sheer triumph spread across her battle-ravaged face.

[What a gory mess that the cleaning gods won’t appreciate. Here’s our view of the Goatman before he serves his time.]

A large screen dropped down into the arena above He Xiangu, displaying a small prison cell surrounded by pulsating Divine force fields. Goatman’s body flickered into existence within the middle of a square. He gripped his thin goatee and ripped the hairs free, appearing to yell in anguish. Though sound did not echo through the arena, she could hear his pained defeat.